CAKE MEETS STICKY END

I can cook, and sometimes alarmingly well. There are no cookbooks in my kitchen. I create on the spur of the moment with flair and fearlessness. Guests have been amazed at the dishes I've put before them. Comments like: 'The taste is indescribable' and 'I've never tasted anything like this before' reveal just how overwhelming my food can be.
I recently entered a baking competition somewhere in Rural Perthshire. I produced a magnificent basil-infused cous cous and chocolate upside down crumble cake. Two factors set it apart from the competition. One, it was shaped like a small Scottish bothy, and two, it weighed 25 kilos. Exactly. It was one mother of a cake. The judges were speechless. I won a 'special' prize, which comprised a weekend one-to-one cookery course at a prestigious hotel and my word that I would never, ever, enter the competition again.
I got the cake home eventually. A passing farmer dragged  it (with some difficulty) on to the back of his lowloader. I put that mother outside and demolished it with a lump hammer, so deep was my humiliation.