Apparently, a woman returned to her car recently to find a bag of sliced ham pinned under her windscreen wiper. Preferable to a parking ticket, some would say. As a vegetarian myself, I wouldn't have been ecstatic about this bizarre act of kindness. Or was it? For a moment, feel yourself into the role of the ham-giver. What's your back story? What's your motivation? Do you have an established routine of attaching assorted cold meats to random objects? Is it corned beef on your neighbour's doorstep on a Friday and pork sausages on the church gates on a Sunday? Are you still Googling meat therapists in your area? Perhaps you're a pig farmer with a massively fat pig (deceased) and an over-developed altruistic streaky. I'm thinking of running with this sort of behaviour. I leave something under your windscreen wiper - say, a pair of hand-knitted socks. Be vigilant. I get about in Rural Perthshire. All I ask is that you graciously accept this anonymous gift and pay it forward. Already you're making a list of appropriately sized objects. Let's be careful out there.
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