GET CREATIVE WITH EXPLETIVES

'Oh Crikey' is one of my favourite expressions. I use it all the time. It's the kind of phrase that fits so many occasions. The mechanic phones to tell me the big end's gone on my car when I only put it in the shop for a tyre inspection. 'Oh Crikey,' I say. A work colleague forgets to pass on an urgent message with disastrous consequences for my professional reputation. 'Oh, Crikey,' I say. A friend of mine used to have serious issues with....there's no other way to put this. A foul mouth. I took her to one side recently (as her only remaining friend) and gave her some practical advice which, to her credit, she is following. Here's a sample of the Alternative Expletives I have passed on to her: Chuffing Heck, Drongo Head, You Numpty, and of course, my personal favourite, Oh Crikey. She was dubious initially. She said: "What the ******* **** would I ******* want with that load of **** and ****?" She's now using the Alternative Expletives on a regular basis. The repressed rage and deeply-ingrained hostility remain. But Oh Crikey, I only do superficial!