YULETIDE GREETINGS TO ALL

Progress Report: giant slab of turkey (for two) gorn orf. Now in bin. Sprouts just slightly soggy and parsnips congealed unpleasantly in roasting dish. Vegetarian cutlets all round. Ten pound Christmas pudding exploded in microwave. Unable to move due to unfeasibly large slice of compensatory yule log. Random inebriated relatives have arrived bringing further assorted torments including excessive flatulence, flashing ear-rings and buckets of cold turkey. Lucky I brought two bottles of Amaretto. It's going to be a long night.