DO YOU KNOW YOURSELF?

In the film of your life, who would play you and why?
Someone I know said Arnold Schwarzenegger - six foot four and built like a brick outhouse - would play him. I had two comments. 'Firstly,' I said, 'you bear no resemblance AT ALL to Arnold Shwarzenegger. Secondly, I can see you've subverted the question to pander to your own narcissistic needs.' In reply to these observations he said: 'Up your kilt. Now leave me alone while I study the legislative precepts of California.'
Who would play me, and why, in the film of my life? I've pondered this question over twenty-four hours, and it's been challenging. Valerie Singleton? Carol Vordeman? Sue Barker? None of these. Three people (combined), I feel, would give a reasonably accurate portrayal of the chaos and confusion that is my life. Bill Bailey (Whimsical Minstrel); Jack Dee (Miserable Git) and Ross Noble (Borderline Insane).
The title of the film would be: I'll Call You When I Know Where I Am.